“I awoke in a sweat from the American Dream.”

There are definitely days that I feel poorer than others.  This could very well be because on any given day I am indeed poorer than others.  Getting paid bi-weekly means that at the end of the second week, I feel like I’m barely able to eke out enough bills for a beer (priorities).

Of course, when I first get paid, I feel ridiculously rich.  I look at my bank account with stars in my eyes while “A Whole New World” (from Aladdin, duh) rings through my head.  All that money for my credit card, my savings, my loan, food, hair cuts, drinks, gas!
That feeling of ecstasy is intense and ends abruptly.  It’s like a little zinging money orgasm.   Then poof…it’s gone.
I now try to contain my excitement otherwise it goes too quickly.  Dollars are slippery little suckers.

I know some people who get paid $50-60,000 per year and that blows my damn mind.  I mean, what on earth would I do with all that money?!  And when I meet people my age making more than that — psh, forget about it.

God, I wish I had marketable skills.

Over the past several years, my mind has spanned many, many expanses searching for ideas on how to make more money.  I’ve had too many ideas to count, some sprouting up at times when I felt more destitute than others.  I’ve compiled a small list of recurring ideas and the pros and cons of each.  Some are more serious and realistic options than others (obviously).  All are born of desperation and confusion and pressure to pay off rent, utilities, and other debts.

1. Sell weed – An oldie but goodie, I used to fantasize about this when I thought the weight of my student loans would surely suffocate me

– Fast cash
-Weed isn’t a bad drug.
-Steady market for it
-Flexible hours

-My parents would not approve
-I don’t smoke pot, so I have no idea how or where to start in this business

2. Sell my underwear
– I’ve researched this, thinking it would be an easy albeit uneasy method of getting extra cash.

-Fast cash
-Don’t necessarily have to do anything sexual with anyone
-Start-up cost is low
-Flexible hours

-I am in no way brave enough to pull this off
-Would not want to risk running into customers in small town
-Have to talk to dudes who want to buy your underwear

Whoa, is that a pile of underwear or a pile of money?

Whoa, is that a pile of underwear or a pile of money?

3. Go to graduate school – a more traditional path for recent college graduates

-Legitimate lifestyle
-People are usually impressed
-Might expand marketable skills and, consequentially, earning power
-Get to be a student again and read and write papers

-Have to be a student again and read and write papers
-Will put me into more debt
-I have no idea who I would use for references and I’m not confident in my ability to get in
-Have to be stuck in one place for an extended period of time
-Don’t want to make the same mistake as undergrad by diving head first into shallow waters of a slapdash, reckless decision informed solely by the idea that I didn’t know what else I could possibly do

4. Learn a trade
– become a welder, plumber, or electrician

-The most reasonable idea on this list
-Lifelong useful skill
-Can use trade skills anywhere that needs electricians, plumbers, etc. (AKA anywhere)
-Could potentially work towards owning my own business and being my own boss

-Have to go back to school
-Costs money and time to get certifications

Here are the Honorable Mentions

Rob Banks/Life of Crime

-Could make lots of money (high risk, high return investment)
-Get paid in cash (no taxes)
-Exhilarating/adrenaline rush
-Would be my own boss

-Risk jail for a long time/forever
-Risk death
-Friends & family probably would not like me anymore or be able to talk to me much
-Might not make that much money (high risk, high return investment)

I could be like Ryan Gosling in The Place Beyond the Pines.  And Only God Forgives. And Drive.  photo credit:

I could be like Ryan Gosling in The Place Beyond the Pines. And Only God Forgives. And Drive.
photo credit:

Turn Back Time & Major/Minor in Computer Science

-Would most likely land a job quickly with a great starting salary (holy shit–a salary?)
-Would be able to move up in the world easier because programming skills are valuable
-Could work anywhere


What are some ideas you’ve had to earn more money, serious or not?


9 responses to “HOW DO I GET MORE MONEY

    • Thanks!
      I could take up bartending, that’s a great idea for extra money. I could definitely get a second job. But that might severely cut into my day-dreaming time where I imagine all the cool stuff I wish I could be doing, like turning back time or becoming Ryan Gosling.
      But, in all seriousness, that is a good idea.


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